


That Moment

by TrisPrior111



Category: Actor RPF, Divergent (Movies)
Genre: F/M, not finished
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-10
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-02-28 20:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2746724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrisPrior111/pseuds/TrisPrior111
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This fanfiction is about "that moment" when you realize you are in love with your close friend. It takes place on the set of Divergent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shailene

“Can I ask you something?” I say, turning my head towards Four. This is the sixth time we’ve tried to do this scene. It’s almost the end of another tiring day on the set of “Divergent”. I really just want to go lie down on one of the couches in the break rooms, but we have to get this scene done perfectly before that can happen.

“Sure,” he replies.

I hesitate slightly, and then ask, “What’s your tattoo?”

A smile spreads over his face and he takes a deep breath. “Do you want to see it?”

I nod.

Four turns around and pulls his gray t-shirt over his head. I lean on the railing of the balcony where we’re standing.

“It’s amazing,” I say, resting my hand lightly on his upper back.

He turns his head over his shoulder to look at me and I cast my gaze downward.

I trail my fingers down the intricate design of Four’s tattoos.

“The factions,” I whisper. “Why do you have all of them?”

“I don’t want to be just one thing,” he says. “I can’t be.”

He has his head turned but isn’t looking at me fully.

“I want to be brave, and I want to be selfless, intelligent, and honest, and kind.”

Now he looks at me. 

“Although, I’m still working on kind,” he smiles.

My eyes search his as he steps closer to me.

And then he leans in and kisses me fully on the lips, cupping my cheek in his hand. My arms go up around his neck, just like they’re supposed to. Just how Neil told us to do it. But all of the sudden, I’m not Tris kissing Four anymore. I am Shailene, and I am kissing Theo. I can feel electric sparks between our mouths as our kiss continues. I try to slip back into character, but I can’t. It’s as if Tris’ mind is sealed and I can’t get back into it. I don’t know what else to do, so I just keep kissing him.

“That’s a wrap!” I hear Neil yell. But it sounds like it’s from somewhere off in the distance.

I open my eyes into Theo’s. He’s looking at me differently, as if whatever I just felt, he felt too. And then, seeming to snap out of it, he lets go of me. But our eyes stay locked.

“Fantastic job, guys,” Neil says, coming over to us. “That was wonderful.”

Theo and I break our gaze and smile at him.

He turns to address the rest of the cast on set today, behind him. “Break time, everybody!”

He gives Theo and me high-fives.

“Seriously, though. That was miles better than the other takes. Especially the kiss. I don’t know what you guys did differently, but that time, it looked a lot more real,” he says.

Theo’s eyes meet mine, and then I quickly look away as I feel my cheeks heat up.

“Go take a break,” Neil tells us. “You deserve it!”

He walks away, leaving Theo and me alone.

“Well, we did it!” he says.

“Yeah, finally,” I say shakily.

I can’t think of anything else to say.

“Um, I’m going to go take a break now,” I mumble and hurry away after Neil and the others.

I go into one of the empty break rooms and shut the door behind me. I open the mini fridge and pull out one of my water bottles. Then I slump down on the couch and put my head in my hands. What just happened? Why did it feel that way when we kissed? Was I just so into my character that the kissing had felt real? No, that wasn’t it. I hadn’t been Tris anymore. That was the problem. I had suddenly become myself. It had never felt like that when I kissed Theo in earlier takes. Am I falling in love with Theo?  
My thoughts are interrupted when I hear voices outside the door.

“…just shoot one more scene and then everyone can go home,” I hear Neil’s voice say.

“Yeah, that’s fine. Did you see where Shai went?” I recognize Kate’s British accent.

“I think she went in here. I’m not sure.”

There is a soft knock at the door.

“Shai? Are you in here?” Kate asks from outside.

With a sigh, I heave myself up off of the couch and open the door.

“Hey,” she says. “Are you okay? You look kind of…for lack of a better word, upset.”

I take a breath to speak, and then hesitate; looking behind her to make sure no one’s listening.

“Can I talk to you?” I say.

“Sure; what’s the matter?” she asks, a concerned expression on her face as I pull the door open all of the way and let her inside.

We sit down on the couch and I smile slightly as I think back to the day I met her.

**********

It was only a week ago when Kate Winslet first came on set. She looked exactly like Jeanine, with the exception of her slight baby bump; blonde bob, dark blue shirt and skirt, and a briefcase in hand. But the icy expression on her face matched Jeanine’s as well. Her presence seemed to cast a chill over the room. We were all in the Seventeenth Church of Christ to film the Choosing Ceremony. Zoe, Miles, Theo, Ansel, and I all just looked at each other uneasily, not sure what to do.

I saw her and Neil talking, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying. And then she strode across the church to the stage, her high heels clicking as she walked, and stood in front of the bowls that held the elements of the factions, facing us.

Neil called, “Roll the cameras!” and the scene had begun.

After enough takes were done to get it right, Neil let us take a break. There were no break rooms because we were in the church instead of in the studio, so everyone had to sit in the pews. Kate sat apart from everyone else, fanning herself with a newspaper against the hot humidity of the church, with an aloof expression on her face.

“Geez, no wonder they wanted her to play Jeanine,” Miles said from behind me. “They probably just saw how she acted in real life!”

I laughed. “Yeah, seriously!”

“And she’s pregnant,” Miles added. “I feel really sorry for that child.”

“Miles,” I chided. “Don’t be rude.”

“I’ll pay you five bucks if you say something to her,” Theo said.

“No way! That’s not worth five dollars!”

“I’ll pay you ten,” Ansel said.

I shook my head. “Still not worth it. What would you want me to say, anyway?”

“Tell her that you think she’ll make a great Jeanine,” Theo suggested.

I rolled my eyes.

“Look,” Zoe said, grabbing my arm. “Ashley’s walking over to her.”

“Oh, God,” I muttered. “This isn’t going to go well.”

“Let’s go over and watch,” Miles said eagerly.

“Yeah, I want to see how this goes down,” Ansel said.

I shrugged. “All right.”

We walked, as inconspicuously as possible, to the row of pews across the aisle from where they were and sat down, all of us in a row.

Zoe giggled. “This is going to be so funny!”

“Shh!” I hissed. “You’re going to give us away!” But I was trying not to laugh, too.

“Hi,” Ashley smiled, sitting down next to her. “I’m Ashley.”

Kate’s eyes raked her up and down. “I know who you are.”

Zoe stifled another giggle next to me.

“Oh, um, right,” Ashley stammered. “I just wanted to say that I love your work.”

Kate gave her the most degrading look I had ever seen. “Of course you do.”

Then she opened the newspaper she had been fanning herself with, and started to read it. Ashley just looked around awkwardly and got up.

“Okaaaaay,” Miles said. “Well, then.”

Zoe and I looked at each other and burst out laughing. Theo and Ansel immediately clapped their hands over our mouths so she wouldn’t hear us.

But it was too late. Kate turned her head toward us and gave us a glare that would have frozen a desert.

“Wow, Zoe,” Miles said loudly. “That joke was really funny.”

Theo, Ansel, Miles, Zoe, and I started laughing really loudly and slapping each other’s arms.

“Alright, people!” Neil yelled. “Time for the next scene!”

“Ok, Shai,” Theo said. “I will now give you twenty dollars.”

“I’ll give you twenty dollars, too,” Zoe said.

“So will I,” Miles added.

“I will, too,” Ansel said.

I sighed. “Theo, why don’t you go talk to her? You’re both British. I’m sure you’ll have a lot in common.”

“Yeah, right,” he rolled his eyes. “That’s like saying you and Miles have a lot in common because you’re both American.”

We all laughed as we got up from the pew and got ready to start the next scene.

At the next break, Theo sat down next to me. “Eighty dollars, Shai? Are you really going to pass that up?”

I sighed. “What do I say?”

He shrugged. “Tell her you love Titanic or something! I don’t know!”

“Whatever,” I said, getting up. “If it will make you stop nagging me.”

“Wait, really?” Miles exclaimed. “You’re going to do it?”

“Since you guys won’t shut up about it, yes,” I said, and then added, “And for the money.”

“Alright!” Miles clapped his hands together.

“And you guys can’t be obvious about following me,” I warned.

“Got it,” Ansel said. “We’ll just sit in a pew again.”

“Cause that worked so well last time,” I said sarcastically.

“Well, your fault for laughing,” Ansel insisted.

I threw my hands up in exasperation. “Fine! Do what you want. Just don’t laugh!”

My heartbeat quickened as I walked. Kate was standing on the other side of the church, leaning back against the wall. When she saw me walking towards her, she held my gaze and I felt like needles were boring into my eyes.

“Hi,” I said once I had reached her. She was even more intimidating up close. The expression on her face made me feel like I was an ant she wanted to crush. I swallowed. “I just want to tell you that I love Titanic. It’s my favorite movie.”

She tilted her head slightly. “Really? Do your friends that you made the bet with like it too?”

“Oh, I, um…” I stuttered. “I don’t-”

Her voice cut cleanly across mine. “I can hear, you know.” 

And then she turned and walked away.

Theo, Ansel, Miles, and Zoe ran up to me, laughing uncontrollably. Miles gave me a high five and Zoe tried to hug me.

“Guys, stop,” I pleaded, pushing them away. “It’s not funny. We have to work with her. Now she hates us, and especially me.”

“I think she hated us before,” Theo pointed out.

“Plus, Jeanine and Tris hate each other in Divergent,” Miles said. “So the acting will be easier.”

That got me to smile a little.

The next day, the five of us were shocked when Kate walked onto set with a huge smile on her face.  
We were still in the church to film the rest of the Choosing Ceremony. She went up onto the stage and addressed all of us sitting down. She looked completely different. Obviously her clothes were the same, but the expression on her face and her whole composure had changed.

“Hi everyone,” she said brightly. “I’m Kate, as I’m sure you all know. But yesterday, I wasn’t. I was pretending to be Jeanine.”

“Oh my God,” I whispered in disbelief.

“I’m not like that in real life, I promise. I just wanted to play a joke,” she grinned. “And I’m excited to work with all of you!”

At our first break, I immediately rushed over to her.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, stumbling over my words. “I had no idea you were pretending. If I had known we never would have-”

“Darling, there’s nothing to apologize for,” she smiled. “You guys were adorable. I think we’re going to be friends, Shailene.”

I sighed in relief. “And I actually didn’t make that up about Titanic. It really is my favorite movie.”

Her smile widened, and she looked as if she was going to say something else, but just then Neil called for the next scene to start.

**********

“See you later!” she waved at me, and hurried back up to the stage.

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“I don’t know what just happened,” I say, my voice catching as I speak. A lump rises in my throat and I try to push it down, but then I feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

She puts her arm around my shoulders. “Shai, what happened when? Do you mean with your scene?”  
I nod and the tears start flowing down my cheeks.

“What do you mean? You guys did it perfectly!”

“That’s the problem,” I whisper, and take another deep breath. “It was too perfect. It was real.”

“You mean…you and Theo?” she asks, her voice gentle.

I nod again, biting my lip to keep from crying harder. “When we were kissing, something changed. I wasn’t Tris anymore. I was actually kissing Theo. And now-now I think I’m in love with him.”

When I look up at her, something about her expression is different. Her eyes look distant, as if she’s remembering something.

“Kate,” I say softly, “What should I do? I want to tell him how I feel, but I’m so scared that if he doesn’t feel the same way about me, I could ruin everything.”

She smiles, the look gone from her eyes so quickly I think I imagined it. “He likes you. I can tell.”  
My mouth falls open. “What?”

“I see the way he looks at you when you aren’t looking.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive. Trust me, Shai. He likes you.”

“So…should I talk to him?”

“Yes,” she says, and there is urgency to her voice that I don’t understand. “You should tell him now. Before it’s too late.”

Neil pokes his head in the door. “Time for the next scene, guys. Out to the balcony.”

“Alright,” I say. “We’ll be right there.”

He nods and hurries away to gather the rest of the cast.

“What do you mean- before it’s too late?” I ask.

“I-” she begins, then shakes her head. “Just tell him, Shai. Or you’ll regret it. Come on. Let’s go.”

That night, I can’t stop thinking about what she said. A million thoughts are running through my head. Ok, I’m in love with Theo. I admit that now. But what did Kate mean when she said “before it’s too late”? There’s something she isn’t telling me. I’m sure of it. And I am going to find out what it is.


	2. Kate

“So we’re safer, really?” Tris says.

“The brilliance,” I begin, my voice hard and devoid of emotion, “of the faction system is that conformity to the factions removes the threat of anyone exercising their independent will.”

I step closer to Tris.

“This is what allows us to live in peace.”

She keeps her gaze on the guards standing in front of us.

“Divergents threaten that system. It won’t be safe until they’re removed.”

“Cut!” Neil yells. As he begins talking about what to do for the next take, my mind drifts elsewhere. I haven’t been able to focus since yesterday. I have just been trying to immerse myself in being Jeanine completely so I can’t think about anything else. But it’s not really working.

“Kate,” I feel someone gently touch my arm and I turn around. We’re finally on a break, after another good hour of shooting that scene. Shailene is standing behind me.

“Oh, hi,” I say. “What is it?” I add, upon seeing the worried look on her face.

“Look,” she says quietly so no one around us will hear. “You seem really different today. And I think it started yesterday, after I told you about Theo.”

Oh my God. Have I been that obvious?

“I don’t know what I said, but you look like you’re in pain or something, and I just wanted to know what happened.”

“Shai, it’s not your fault. It’s just…,” I trail off. Why am I even telling her this much? Why should she care about my problems?

“Just what?”

“Do you want to know what happened? Because it’s a long story; I’m warning you.”

“Yes,” Shailene says firmly.

“Alright,” I consent. “Out here, then.”

We go outside the studio and walk down the path until we find a wooden bench to sit on.

“Ok,” I begin. “I’ve never told anyone this before. You have to swear on your life not to tell anyone else.”

She looks alarmed by the seriousness of my tone, but nods, looking like she means it.

“Shai, I know exactly what you’re going through with Theo.”

“What?” she asks incredulously.

“I know exactly what you’re going through, because the same thing happened to me once.”

She looks stunned. “What?” she asks again. “With whom?”

I sigh. “Can you guess?”

A small smile spreads across her lips. “Leonardo DiCaprio?” 

I nod.

“Oh my God!” Shailene cries, clapping her hand over her mouth. “Are you serious? Like, you’re not joking with me here, right?”

I shake my head. “I wouldn’t joke about something like that.”

“I always thought you two would be cute together after Titanic,” she giggles.

I roll my eyes. “You and the rest of our fandom.”

“So-so what happened?” she inquires eagerly. 

I take a deep breath to compose myself. I am really telling her this. I am really trusting her with this information. But I know I can trust Shai. Something about her told me that from the day we met. So I begin talking.

**********

It was a few years ago, back when we filmed Revolutionary Road together; on the day we shot the love scene in the kitchen. The kitchen was so small that Sam, both my husband and the director of the fim, and the rest of the crew had to be in the next room. Sam was giving Leo and me last minute instructions. When he was finished, he turned to leave.

“Sam,” I said. “Wait.”

“What?” he turned back around to face me.

I looked nervously from him to Leo and back again.

“Are you guys seriously okay with this?”

They exchanged a glance.

“Uh, yeah,” Leo said. “We’re good.”

Sam nodded in agreement.

“Okay,” I took a deep breath, leaning back against the counter. “I’m sorry. It’s just- it’s just even weirder that you’re both alright with this.”

“Kate, we’re just acting,” Leo said, touching my arm. “Don’t overthink this.”

“Right,” I said, looking up at him. “You’re right. It’s fine. Let’s start.”

Sam rolled the cameras.

“I felt that way once, too,” I said wistfully, looking across the kitchen at Frank. In the movie, this was right after he told me the story about being on the front lines in the war, and thinking that right there in that moment of his life, was the truth.

“When?”

I set my drink down on the counter and crossed the space between us in three long strides.

“The first time you made love to me,” I whispered.

“Oh, April,” his lips brushed mine softly. He cupped my cheeks in his hands as he continued to kiss me. I kissed back, then suddenly remembered my husband watching us and I panicked, breaking away from him.

“I’m sorry,” I said, turning to Sam as he came into the room. “I can’t do this. It just feels so wrong.”

 

“It’s okay, Kate,” Sam said, and he hugged me gently. “You just have to know that I’m okay with this. We’re filming a movie. It’s only awkward if you make it awkward.”

I smiled a little. “Alright. We’ll try it again.”

Sam went back and Leo gave my hand a squeeze. “You ready?”

I nodded.

15 takes later, we finally got a break. Each time, we always messed something up. The kissing, the movements; none of it felt right. We got glasses of water and sat down at the table with Sam.  
I put my head in my hands, and Leo wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “I can tell that I’m doing something wrong, but I don’t know what,” I said.

“I don’t know how to explain it exactly, but something’s missing,” Sam said. “There’s no passion. It looks like you guys are holding back.”

I sighed. He was right. I was holding back. Leo was, too. I could tell he was, but only because he knew I was uncomfortable and he didn’t want to push me.

Sam showed us the footage on one of the cameras so we could watch ourselves. I just looked stiff and unsure of myself; not like April at all. This scene was supposed to show how much Frank and April loved each other. They weren’t supposed to be hesitant. I forced myself to forget all about Sam for the next take and just be April.

The beginning dialogue felt better this time, more real. He kissed me tenderly, caressing my cheek like he had done so many times before. But this time, I let my arms go up around his neck. His hands slid down to my hips. He deepened the kiss tentatively, as if he were afraid I would push him away again. But in response, I kissed him back. Things were finally starting to feel right this time. When he lifted me up onto the counter, I felt like we really were Frank and April. I pulled up my dress and brought him closer to me. We continued to kiss and he began to move his body against mine.

“Oh, Frank,” I gasped, digging my fingers into his back. “Oh, oh, oh…”

Our lips collided again. And that was when everything changed. I wasn’t April anymore. I was just Kate. Kissing Leo. Instead of pulling away, I began to kiss him even more passionately. I didn’t know what was happening. Everything else around us disappeared and warm electricity flooded my body. His hand gripped the back of my neck firmly as he pushed himself against me harder, his labored breaths hot in my ear. I closed my eyes and held onto him tighter, breathing sharply and arching my back. He covered my mouth with his and I moaned at the sweet taste of his tongue at the back of my throat. He slowed down his motions as I kept my arms wrapped tightly around him. When he finally stopped, I put my head on his shoulder, out of breath. 

I heard Sam say “That’s a wrap!” But it sounded a million miles away. I slowly brought my head up to look into his eyes. His arms were still around my waist, and he didn’t move them away. He looked down at me with a different expression than he had ever worn when looking at me before. Had whatever just happened to me happened to him too? What had just happened? It had never felt that way when we kissed before. In Titanic, or earlier scenes of this movie. This was Leo, for God’s sakes. My best friend that I had known for 13 years. How could I possibly have been in love with him?

Sam came back into the room, and Leo and I quickly looked away from each other. He helped me down off the counter, and I smoothed my dress down over my legs.

“That was great, you two,” Sam smiled. “Perfect.”

I just kind of nodded and pretended to be happy that we had finally done it right. But inside, I just wanted this day to be over. Maybe I was in a dream. Maybe I had imagined what I had just felt. But I knew I couldn’t have imagined that feeling. Or the way he looked at me. 

There was absolutely no denying the fact that I was completely and utterly in love with him.

**********

“Wow,” Shailene breathes. “All of that and you didn’t tell him how you felt?”

I shake my head. “I was married.”

“But even after that?”

“No. There was a short time when neither of us was with anyone else, but I was too scared. After that day, we tried our best not to be awkward around each other. Just tried to pretend like everything was normal, you know? But there were times when I would suddenly realize how close we were sitting or whatever, and our eyes would lock and it was impossible to pretend like nothing had happened. But I valued our friendship too much to tell him. If there was any chance, any chance at all that I could have been wrong about the way I thought he felt, I would regret telling him for the rest of my life.”

“This is awful!” Shailene cries. “You have to find a way to be with him now.”

I smile sadly. “There’s no possible way it could work out, Shai.”

“But there has to be! This is too tragic!”

“Did you hear the rumors a while back that Leo was the reason Sam and I divorced?”

She nods.

“Well, they were all true.”

“What? You mean, like, he found out you were in love with Leo?”

“It didn’t take rocket science to figure it out. Sam wasn’t stupid. He saw the way things had changed between us, even though we both tried to hide it. When he confronted me, I tried to deny it, saying there was no way I could ever think of him that way. But Sam could tell. He knew. So we split. But after that, I still couldn’t talk to Leo. Then I got married again, and now I’m pregnant again, and I just…” I trail off. “I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Before Shailene can say anything else, my phone buzzes in my purse.

“Hold on,” I say to her, getting it out. “Sorry.”

I check the screen to see who’s calling, and look at it in surprise.

“Who is it?” Shailene asks.

“It-it’s him,” I whisper.

“Oh my God!” she shrieks. “Answer it already!”

I sigh and tap “accept”, and put the phone to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Kate?”

“Leo, hi! How are you?” I try to make my voice sound normal. But my heart is beating out of control and my hands are shaking because I’m so nervous to even talk to him.

“I’m great! How are you?”

“I’m doing fine.”

“How’s Divergent?”

“It’s coming along well, thanks. What have you been up to?”

“Well, I finished filming Wolf of Wall Street, and now I’m heading home to L.A. But I called to tell you that I found a flight that leaves for Chicago tomorrow. And, if it works for you, I could stay there for a couple of days before going home.”

“Oh, that would be wonderful! Absolutely!”

Shailene mouths something, but I can’t read her lips.

“What?” I mouth.

“You’re blushing,” she mouths back, pointing to her cheeks.

I feel my face flush even more, and Shailene grins, making heart shapes with her hands.

“I would love to see you,” I continue, pointedly ignoring her.

“Me, too,” he says. “I really miss you, Kate.”

“I miss you, too,” I say softly.

“Oh, Leo,” Shailene mouths, putting her hand over her heart and pretending to swoon over the arm of the bench.

“Stop it,” I hiss through clenched teeth, trying not to laugh. She giggles and winks at me.  
“What?” Leo asks.

“Oh, sorry. I’m sitting with Shai- Shailene,” I correct myself, forgetting that he doesn’t know her.

“Shailene Woodley?”

“Yeah,” I swallow hard, realizing that Shai is exactly the kind of girl that Leo would go for. Young and beautiful. The thought of them together makes me sick. She’s right in his target age range, too, at 21.  
Neil walks down the path toward us.

 

“There you are,” he says. “Back inside in 5, ok?”  
Shailene and I nod.

“Alright, well, I have to go,” I say to Leo. “What time will you be here tomorrow?”

“What time will he be here?” Shailene squeaks. “You mean he’s coming?”

“Shhh,” I put a finger to my lips and hold the phone aside. “Do you want him to hear you?”

“Probably by 6,” he says. “Where should I meet you?”

“At the studio would be best. I get off work at 6:30.”

“Ok, I’ll see you then,” he says.

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

I end the call and put my phone down.

“Leo’s coming here?” Shailene shrieks, jumping off the bench. “Can I meet him?”

“Yes, yes, you can meet him,” I say, waving her off. I shake my head and lean back, mystified at the amount of energy she seems to have right now.

“Yes!” she cries, jumping up and down.

“Shai,” I say. “Calm down, please.”

She sits back down next to me, her eyes still shining.

“But this is so exciting!” she exclaims. “He’s coming, and you two are in love with each other, and oh my gosh this is just too much.”

“Shhh! Shai, Jesus, keep your voice down! You can’t tell anyone, remember? No one. Not Theo, not Zoe, not Miles, not Ansel, not your dog, or your diary, if you even have either of those. Do not let that information leave your mind.”

“You sounded like Jeanine there for a second,” she smirks.

I sigh in exasperation. “Shai! Come on-”

“Ok, ok,” she holds up her hands and her eyes become serious. “I promise, Kate. I really do.” 

“Alright,” I say, relieved.


	3. Shailene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! Bet you thought I'd never update this, right? Well, I'm back with more! I won't be posting consistenly right now because I'm coming up on AP testing and I have to pretty much throw myself into studying, so I make no garuntees about when the next one will be posted.

Things have been awkward between Theo and me all day. I haven’t been able to look him in the eyes except when we’re Tris and Four. My head is spinning with thoughts and ideas. I want to tell him how I feel so badly. Multiple times today, I’ve convinced myself that I will tell him. And then, when I see him I immediately change my mind. Talking to Kate at break has made me want to kick myself. Why is this so difficult for me? Her problems are so much more complicated than mine right now. She’s married, pregnant, and in love with a guy she’s known for years. Theo and I have known each other for a couple of months. And we’re both, well, single.

“Kate,” I say as we’re about to start walking back.

She turns around.

“Are you sure that Theo likes me?”

She smiles. “Yes, I’m sure, Shai.”

I run my fingers through my hair in frustration. “I just can't- I can't bring myself to tell him!”

“What are you afraid of?” she asks gently as we begin to walk back to the studio. 

I sigh. “That he’ll reject me, I guess. I mean, I have to work with him, Kate! I have to see him every single day. If I mess something up between us, it could affect this whole film. I can't risk that, not unless I know for sure. And what if we really got together? And we had a fight? Or broke up? Could we still even make the movie?”

Kate chuckles. “You worry too much, darling.”

I don't say anything more because we are at the entrance to the studio. 

“Thanks,” she says before we open the door. 

“For what?” I ask, confused. 

“For listening to me. That was the first time I had told anyone about that, and it feels good.”

I smile. “You're welcome. Are you going to tell everyone that he's coming?”

She grins. “Of course.”

We step inside the doors where the rest of the cast is waiting to film the next scene. 

The next time I see Theo is at lunch. I sit down at my table before he gets through the buffet line and pray to the heavens that he will choose a different place to eat. But of course, that doesn't happen. I pretend to be very interested in my fruit salad as he slides into the seat across from me. 

“Hey,” he says. 

“Hey,” I glance up at him briefly and attempt to smile, then return my concentration to my food. 

“Shai, are you-”

He is cut off from whatever he was going to ask me when Zoe, Ansel, and Miles all surround us. They are in an involved conversation- from what I can tell, something about how Miles would look with a man bun. I’m not really listening to them, I’m just thankful that they saved me from being alone with Theo.

“Earth to Shai!” Zoe is waving her hand frantically in front of my face.

“Huh?” I look up, dazed.

Everyone is staring at me, and I get the feeling that wasn’t the first time she tried to get my attention.

“Are you okay?” Zoe asks, tilting her head in concern. “You seem kinda out of it.”

I shake my head. “I’m fine. Just a little tired, that’s all.”

I can feel Theo’s eyes on me but I don’t look at him.

“Well anyway, what do you think?” Zoe asks me, gesturing to Miles. “Man bun or no man bun?”

A real smile makes its way across my face. “No man bun.”

“What?” Miles cries. “Why are you all against this? Come on, guys!”

“I can see it,” Theo says, and I can tell that he is suppressing laughter.

“Thank you!” Miles exclaims. “Anyway, I was just looking for opinions. I’m doing it no matter what you guys think.”

Zoe rolls her eyes and turns to me. “So what were you doing at break? I didn’t see you.”

I shift nervously. It isn’t like it would be super weird for me to be talking with Kate- we’re friends, and everyone knows we are, but I’m afraid she would ask what we were talking about and I don’t want to be tempted to spill her secret.

“Oh, I just went to the bathroom and stuff,” I say vaguely.

She looks like she is going to say something else when Kate stand up and asks for everyone’s attention.

She catches my eye and smiles warmly before saying, “As you know, Leonardo DiCaprio is one of my dearest friends. And I have exciting news: he’s coming to visit the set tomorrow!”

Excited murmurs spread through the lunch tables and some people cheer.

“Oh my god!” Zoe squeals, grabbing my arm. “I can’t believe this! I’ve always wanted to meet him. And he’s so dreamy.”

“Yes, he is,” I agree, and out of the corner of my eye, I think I see a strange expression cross Theo’s face- could it have been annoyance? But it’s gone so quickly I don’t have time to analyze it.

**********

I’m packing up my stuff in my trailer, getting ready to go back to the hotel, when there’s a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” I call, setting my tote bag down and walking across the room.

“It’s Theo.”

I freeze. He probably wants to talk to me about why I’ve been acting weird, and I don’t have an answer. But it’s not like I can ignore him; he already knows I’m here.

I take a deep breath and swing the door open.

“Hi,” I greet him, trying to smile casually like everything’s fine.

“Hi,” he replies. He has his hands in the pockets of his jeans and he’s rocking back and forth on his feet, staring at the ground. It’s almost as if he’s nervous. But why would he be nervous to talk to me?

“Um … Shai?” he looks up at me.

“Yes?”

“Do you want to go for a walk?”

I blink, a little surprised by his proposal.

“I found a nature preserve near here,” he tells me. “I know that’s kind of your thing.”

That gets a genuine smile out of me. “Alright.”

We walk down the street in silence until we reach our destination. It’s not dark out yet; the sun is just beginning to set and it casts a rosy glow over the trees. We turn onto a path and begin our walk. I glance over at him every few minutes and see him staring at the dirt in intense concentration.

“Theo?” I ask.

“Hmm?”

“Did you … want to talk to me about something?”

“Yeah, actually,” he sighs. “I just .. I just feel like things have been …. weird … between us since our scene yesterday.”

So it’s not just me.

“Yeah,” I force the words out. “Yeah … um, I think so too.”

“Are we okay, Shai?” he asks softly, stopping and looking into my eyes. “I never intended to make you feel uncomfortable yesterday. If it was something I did, I’m sorry.”

I swallow hard, trying not to drown in his beautiful brown eyes. “Oh, Theo, no, of course not! You didn’t do anything wrong, no,” I shake my head. “It’s just …”

I trail off and look away.

“Just what?” he asks gently. He brushes my arm lightly with his fingers, and a shiver runs up and down my spine.

I take a shaky breath. I can’t tell him. Not now. I feel like the world is closing in on me. I don’t want to lose him if I’m wrong … well, if Kate’s wrong.

“I just felt awkward after our … scene. I don’t know. Maybe because we had to do it so many times …”

“Are you … are you okay now? I mean, are we okay? I don’t want things to be like this between us. If there’s anything I can do, tell me.”

“No, no, there’s nothing. It’s just me, and I’m fine. I’m glad you talked to me about it.”

I force a smile and looked up at him again.

“Come here.” He opens his arms and I step into them gladly, resting my head on his chest and hugging him back.

“We’re good?” he asks.

“We’re good.”


	4. Chapter 4: Kate

I am lying on the couch in my hotel room with a book open on my lap, but I’m not reading it. My eyes are glazed over from staring at the wall for the last hour while I think about tomorrow … when I’m going to see Leo. The last time we saw each other was award season at the beginning of this year, but it feels like that was ages ago. 

My thoughts are interrupted when I hear a knock on the door. My heart jumps in my chest, my mind immediately jumping to the possibility that he could have gotten here a day early. I get up from the couch and go over to the mirror, making sure my hair looks okay before I answer the door.

My heart sinks a little when I see that it’s Shai, but my worries are quickly wiped away when I see how distressed she looks; her shoulders are slumped, she’s working her bottom lip between her teeth, and kneading her fingers together in front of her.

“Hey, what’s going on?” I ask, stepping aside to let her in.

“I don’t know what to do,” her voice sounds like she’s close to tears.

I put my hand on her arm and lead her over to the couch.

“About Theo?” I ask as we sit down.

She nods and takes a deep breath, putting her head in her hands for a moment before looking up at me.

“He came over to my trailer after we were done shooting and asked if we could go for a walk. So we did … and he asked me if he had made me uncomfortable during our kissing scene because he had noticed I was acting weird around him.”

She hesitates and I nod encouragingly for her to continue.

“I said we were fine and that he had done nothing wrong. I was going to tell him, I swear! But I just … couldn’t! And I feel so utterly pathetic when I compare your situation and mine. I mean, I don’t understand why I can’t just talk to him about it! It’s so easy compared to what you’d have to do …”

She trails off and runs her fingers through her hair, a sigh escaping her lips.

“Hey,” I say softly. “Don’t compare our situations, okay? I never meant to make it seem like you had it easy. It’s always hard to admit feelings for someone. When we do that, we’re … vulnerable. That’s one of the hardest things in life- allowing ourselves to be vulnerable like that.”

“I just … I just don’t want to lose our friendship,” she says quietly. “I would rather have that than nothing, you know?”

“I know exactly that you mean. But … do you know that you’d lose your friendship if you told him?”

She thinks over what I said for a moment. “No … not necessarily. I don’t think he’d stop talking to me or anything. But if he doesn’t feel the same, things could get pretty awkward between us.”

I nod. “I can understand that. I think this is just a decision you’re going to have to make: is the possibility of a relationship worth the risk of losing your friendship?”

“Ugggghh,” she groans. “Can’t you make the decision for me?”

I laugh. “No, I’m sorry. You’re going to have to make it for yourself. But if you want my opinion, it’s worth it.”

She looks over at me. “Really?”

“Yes. I think you should tell him, because, well, you know what happened with me and Leo. Eventually it will be too late.”

She sighs. “Thanks, Kate. I appreciate your help.”

I smile and we stand up from the couch. “You’re welcome. Keep me updated on how you’re doing, okay?”

“Okay,” she nods and I pull her into a close hug.

Once she’s gone, I sigh and sink back down onto the couch. I really hope she’ll tell Theo how she feels. I know how hard it would be for her to admit her feelings to him, but from the way I see him look at her, I’m almost positive that he feels for her too. It’s only a matter of time before they end up together, really. But I worry that they’ll both be too scared to say how they feel and they’ll end up like Leo and me- victims of a missed chance. 

Leo. Just thinking about him makes my heart speed up. Every time I see him, I am in agony. Of course I enjoy spending time with him, but that’s the problem. I enjoy it too much. I want to spend all of our time together. I want him so much it hurts. I want to kiss him in real life; just me and him and no scripts and lines and cameras surrounding us. I have considered calling Ned to tell him that Leo is coming to set, but I discarded the idea as silly. Why would he need to know that? It’s not as if I need his permission to see my friend. It would probably only make him suspicious if I told him. As far as I know, Ned is unaware of my feelings for Leo. Of course he knows about all of the fansites, fan videos, and fanfictions about us, but he’s never confronted me about it, and I’ve never brought it up.

I lay awake long into the night, staring at the ceiling and thinking about what tomorrow is going to bring.


	5. Chapter 5: Shailene

Things are better between Theo and me on set the next day, but they’re not perfect. The scenes we have together are easier to shoot, but I can’t think of what to say to him in between takes. Conversation used to flow so easily between us, but now I can’t think of anything meaningful to talk about. Luckily, Zoe, Miles, and Ansel are around us most of the time, and they always have plenty to discuss.

 

I have decided that I’m going to talk to Theo. It’s the only way to get rid of the wall that’s come between us. At this point, our friendship is nothing like it’s used to be, so it’s not like I have much to lose. The question now is when and how I’m going to do this. It can’t be today; we have a ton of scenes to shoot, so many that we actually have less breaks than usual. I won’t have time to talk to him at all. And before I talk to him, I need to discuss my decision with Kate.

 

At lunch, I pull Kate aside before she sits down.

 

“Hey,” she smiles kindly. “Doing okay?”

 

“Can we go somewhere else to talk?”

 

“Sure.”

 

We leave the lunch room and go outside to the gardens. It’s a beautiful summer day with not a cloud in the sky and just the right temperature where it’s cool in the shade and warm but not too hot in the sun.

 

“What’s going on?” she asks once we’ve sat down.

 

“I’m going to talk to him,” I say. “I have nothing to lose. Things are never going to be the same between us anyway. But I just don’t know how I’m going to do it.”

 

“I’m sure the opportunity will come,” she says, placing her hand on my arm. “I wouldn’t worry too much about it.”

 

“Okay,” I reply quietly.

 

We sit in silence for a few moments as we eat.

 

“So,” I say. “Are you nervous … about today?”

 

“Nervous?” she chuckles. “That’s the understatement of the century.”

 

“I’m sure it’ll be okay,” I say sympathetically. “You guys will just fall right back into your old rhythm.”

 

She smiles weakly. “I hope so. I’m just afraid I’ll do something … stupid.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like tell him I’m in love with him or kiss him … I don’t know. It’s hard to restrain myself sometimes.”

 

“You’ll be fine,” I tell her. “Aren’t you happy that you get to see him?”

 

This lightens her mood visibly; she smiles genuinely now. “Yes, I am.”

 

I return the smile. “Good. Let’s go back.”

 

**********

 

“That’s a wrap!” Neil shouts.

 

All of us cheer and release huge sighs. Shooting is finally over for the day. We’re all exhausted, but there is still excitement in the air because we know that Leo will be coming to set soon. 

 

I stand around and chat with Zoe, Ansel, and Miles while we wait.

 

“Where’s Theo?” I ask, scanning the room. “Did he already go back to his trailer?”

 

Ansel nods. “I saw him walk that way earlier.”

 

I frown. “Is he okay? I … I kind of thought he would want to be here. I mean, this is a pretty big deal. Did he say anything?”

 

“He said he was tired,” Ansel says.

 

My heart clenches. He’s not tired. He got away because of me. He didn’t want to be around me for longer than he had to be. I was wrong about things being better between us; they’re worse than they’ve ever been.

 

“Shai?”

 

I am drawn out of my thoughts when I hear Zoe’s voice and feel her hand on my arm.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“We’re gonna go get some food while we wait, wanna come?”

 

I shake my head. “That’s okay. I’m not hungry.”

 

She nods and I retreat back into my thoughts again as my trio of friends walks away. I must have hurt him somehow when we talked on our walk. What could I have said that would have made him want to avoid me? I have absolutely no choice but to talk to him now. I have to fix this somehow, even if it means telling him how I feel and facing rejection. Anything is better than this.

 

“Shai!, Shai, look!” Zoe shakes my arm violently. I snap out of my daze; I hadn’t even realized that they had gotten back from the buffet.

 

I follow Zoe’s gaze and see that Leonardo DiCaprio has entered the room. He is wearing jeans and an olive green t shirt, and his body is as tanned and sculpted as it always appears in pictures. If anything, he’s more attractive in real life. He sees us staring at him and smiles, walking directly over to us. We’re the only ones who have noticed him so far. I immediately look for Kate and see her talking to Ashley with her back turned to us. I can’t keep my lips from curving upwards when I think about how happy she’ll be to see him.

 

Zoe looks like she’s ready to squeal, and Leo puts a finger to his lips, an amused expression playing on his face as he reaches us. I put my hand on her arm to calm her down.

 

“Hello,” Leo says, reaching out his hand. Zoe and I take turns shaking it.

 

“Hi,” I manage to say. Zoe can’t even get words out.

 

“I was wondering,” he says loudly, a sly grin on his face, “if either of you could tell me where Jeanine Matthews is?”

 

I see Kate immediately turn around, her eyes scanning the room for the source of the familiar voice. When she sees Leo, her eyes light up and her face explodes with an expression of pure joy. 

 

“Leo!”

 

She runs over to him and he opens his arms. She throws herself into his embrace and he hugs her tightly, lifting her up off of her feet. Everyone has noticed his arrival now and are watching the reunion of the pair. From where I’m standing, I can see Kate’s face resting on Leo’s shoulder; her eyes are closed and there is an expression of bliss on her face.

 

I smile sadly. Even though they can’t be together, they’re best friends. Theo and I don’t even have friendship anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Just to let you know, I'm going to be out of the country for two weeks, so unless I have wifi I can't update until I get back home. But I am aiming for weekly updates after that :) Peace out <3


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